exclamation point day

recently i have been having more frequent "exclamation point" days, defined as those days which are so great that they need to be described with excessive use of exclamation points. yesterday was one of those days. i picked up my friend mark from the train station and we went straight to mt. diablo and started hiking. afterwards, we headed to berkeley for lunch at one of my favorite restaurants before getting back onto the train and heading into san francisco. we wandered around on a self-made scavenger hunt (the fao schwartz branch in the macy's in union square does not have one of the keyboards you can dance on!) and then watched the union square tree lighting ceremony. in the background, the windows of the macy's were lit up and from our perspective you couldn't tell how they lights were done, so we wandered into the store for closer examination (leds and a white screen...and lest i be accused of dragging someone along in such a nerdy endeavor, mark is a friend from college so we're on the same page as far as curiosity about things like that). then we headed to north beach for italian. the place we were going to go to was closed, so instead we went to an irish pub that specializes in indian food. odd, yes, but the food was delicious (ironically some other friends and i had wandered into the same pub a couple years ago but i hadn't noticed the restaurant part of it at the time). after dinner we continued walking around and stumbled upon city lights, a famous san francisco bookstore. inside we read poetry books, and i discovered that modern poetry is a lot more accessible (to me at least) than the poetry we were forced to read in high school (which had turned me off of poetry entirely). i made it back to my parents house sometime before midnight happily exhausted. i think we're going to ride out to mt. tam in a couple weeks when i'm back in sf and hike it.

in running news, check out this video from brooks. i've been wearing their running shoes since college, if not before. the company just seems to get it.

the weather here (sf) is gorgeous right now. i'm sitting outside on the deck at my parents house working on my term projects. part of me should probably be stressing about getting everything done, but somewhere in the back of my head i know that it will all get done, so i might as well enjoy the weather while my code is compiling!

thanksgiving begins

my house started celebrating thanksgiving on saturday night. we had 30 or so people over for a potluck...and we were all ready for a nap by 7p. my contribution? apple pies from scratch. none of this pre-made crust business. lindsay's pumpkin pies are also on the tray in the picture at left, lest you think i made particularly pumpkin-colored apple pies.

on sunday, emily, usama and i attended the thanksgiving celebration hosted by the austin area interreligious ministries. there was a non-denominational service followed by a reception. this year, the methodist church downtown hosted it. i ran into one of my professors at the reception and he mentioned that he and his wife had been attending it for years. from the name, one would think that this organization would be filled with people wanting to work together, but my professor had an interesting story to share. apparently last year, the hyde park baptist church was supposed to host but when the congregation found out there would be muslims praying in the church they said no...one week before thanksgiving celebration was supposed to happen. one of the synagogues in the area stepped in and hosted it at the last minute. the thanksgiving celebration last year ended up with the largest attendance ever and the whole story was written up in the local papers. ouch. anyhow, the service was a sing-a-long of sorts in various languages and it was pretty cool. various organizations had booths set up at the reception afterwards with info on service opportunities available in the area. i got information for one that runs a farm (that grows plants not animals). another one of my roommates has volunteered with them before and says they're a really good group, so i'm going to try and go out sometime in the spring.

i just finished another lab report and problem set. this leaves me with one lab report and two term projects to finish between now and next friday 12/5. its still a lot, but feels a lot more doable than it did about a week ago. maybe its because i'm working more, but i am beginning to miss this summer. i'm missing being outside 24/7. it was dark when i started running this morning. the temperature, i found out after the fact, was in the 40s and the sky was clear. you could see the stars clearly despite the fact that i live in a city. i slowed down a bit and started looking up. when you live on an island, you only have to look out to gain perspective. here i have to look up. regardless, the view is amazing. i am really excited for new years and skiing, and i'm excited for hiking on friday.

tahoe!!

the last several years (at least) i have met up with friends from college somewhere in the country to ring in the new year. today, it was determined that new years 2009 will be at lake tahoe with all the associated skiing and cold weather antics. the cabin (with hot tub) has been rented. its all downhill (or nordic) from here. skiing! snow! yeah!

dancing in the kitchen

lately, i catch myself in the act of doing something and then realize one of two things, either a) i'm back or b) my hair is short. i have to clean the kitchen once a week as my chore at my co-op, and this past monday, someone started playing the ps i love you soundtrack really loudly. my response? i started dancing while washing, drying and putting away the dishes and doing various other cleaning-type things. at one point, i distincltly remember thinking, ah yes, there is the girl i remember. she's different from the sad one that had been dwelling in my body lately.

i've been getting the same feeling while running. about 7 miles into my run every morning, i feel like i'm on top of the world. the last 3 miles always fly by and its a bummer to have to stop. i think part of this feeling is wrapped up in this other feeling i've been having--that my body works. i'm leaner than i've been in years and my body just feels like it works better. its nice to have that combined feeling of health and happiness. its nice to feel like my old self.

with respect to the other realization, this morning i started chuckling after i got out of the shower. with long hair, its easier to bend over and dry your hair (so its off your back and neck) and then stand back up after you've toweled it sort of dry. well, i had long hair for so long, i still do that, despite not having long hair at the moment. this morning, i even went to do the little hair flip one does after the whole drying thing. my hair is longer than it was, but it has not yet arrived at flipping length.

so the conclusion i've come to, which i sort of already knew, is that ridiculously simple things (like fresh air, a flower, walking to school, dancing in the kitchen) make me smile. last sunday was also a good example. i came back from a walk around the neighborhood to find a couple of my housemates hanging out on our front lawn. so i laid down in the grass and soaked up some sunshine. it felt amazing.

on an unrelated note, in thinking about all this stuff from the past, i think the take-home message from my life so far is: go after what you want. don't be afraid of failure and don't be afraid to be yourself. find other people who also enjoy the little things--laying the grass and smelling the roses with a couple friends makes the experience even better.

parents

i didn't get in trouble much at school when i was little. i remember in first grade the teacher yelled at me for shouting once. evidently i was traumatized because i didn't really speak up again until college. however, from a rather young age, i decided that to be rebellious i had to think everything the opposite of my parents. in second grade, i changed the spelling of my name. seriously. i just think i liked the other spelling better, so i decided to disagree with the spelling they had given me and use a different one. it stuck. a couple years ago my mother spelled my name the 'old' way on something, and even my little brother's girlfriend new it was wrong. we all gave her (my mom) a hard time about that, but i digress.

recently, i was talking to my mother on the phone and my dad was saying something in the background. my mother tells me to hang on a second and that my father needs to give me his opinion on something on the latest political dilemma in california. so my dad gets on the phone and proceeds to rant for a good 15 or 20 minutes. meanwhile i listen on the other end shocked to discover that i actually share my father's point of view on this particular subject. then something completely horrifying begins to cross my mind--maybe my parents are a bit more liberal than i thought they were and *gasp* my plan to be rebellious is no longer working. crap!

in general, parents seem to go through a particularly long uncool phase. it starts when you're in your early teens and lasts sometime into your 20s. my parents started to come out of their uncool phase a bunch of years ago now, but today my father really stepped up his game. he invited me to join his linkedin network. dear goodness, my father is on a networking site that i don't even use that much (but which definitely is trendy)!

this gives me hope. the way i figure it, this is a good sign that one of these days i will be able to successfully teach my parents how to take the pictures off their digital camera...really this is completely selfish because if i teach them this maybe they'll actually post pictures of their adventures. you see, my parents also happen to have a phone which takes pictures and from time to time they try to send me a picture. my phone? well, i can't even receive picture messages, let alone take them.

i'm afraid i'm starting to fall behind on the technology front here folks. i'm going back to coding.

lost in the past

i've mentioned that i had been spending a lot of time thinking about the past recently. today my thoughts have wandered even farther back. i checked my email this morning and found an email from a high school classmate. katie, a woman i grew up with and who i can't remember not knowing, was killed in a car crash yesterday. she was a single mother of three and had started nursing school a few weeks ago. honestly, at this point, i have no idea where to even begin processing margaret and katie's deaths. they were both so young.

emotions are such powerful things. removing yourself from them makes sad or difficult times much easier to deal with; however, experiencing them seems to not necessarily be a bad thing. i will be the first to admit that in my last relationship, i fell hard, and this is probably what made the separation (emotionally) so hard when it was over. if i think about it for too long, it still brings me to tears. i didn't know i was capable of liking someone that much. emotions seem to be a good thing in that both the good and the bad can teach you so much about yourself--how you deal with joy, sorrow, loss, anger, whatever. i'm not sure i've necessarily dealt with all those things well in my life, but i can say i'm learning a lot and hopefully dealing with them better now than i did before.

i'm sad i haven't kept in better touch with people. its definitely something i need to make a better effort to do. though its not possible to keep in touch with everyone, i'm realizing i at least need to remember, and express gratitude, more often for all the friends i've made and people i've met along the way who have made my experiences as rich as they have been.

traffic lights

traffic lights are the enemy of the cold runner. i had been hearing rumors that it was supposed to get "cold" here this weekend. i headed out the door for my run this morning in tri shorts, a tshirt and a long sleeve dri fit top. i was chilly but comfortable for the first mile, until i had to stop and wait for a traffic light to change. brrr! i run in place or up and down the sidewalk while waiting for traffic lights to change, but holy smokes am i glad it wasn't colder!

today has been turning out to be one of those beautiful fall days. the leaves are definitely now changing colors. i'm seeing more red and yellow everyday, and i can definitely enjoy a warm cup of tea at noon and not feeling like i'm going to overheat. its kind of fun. the topics for our tea conversation today: interracial/cultural marriages and secularism (or lack there of) in europe and the us.

i have this stubborn personality quirk that if i've committed to doing something, i want to see it through and do it to the best of my ability. well, i finally decided that sometimes, its just not worth it. i was supposed to be at a meeting tomorrow night and really not looking forward to it. so i finally just contacted the person running the meeting and said i'm happy to be a resource in the future, but i'm not coming. my attendance simply would not be good for me right now...that and i have a ton of work to do. i'm only down one problem set and one lab report since the last work update and am currently trying to finish up another of each. back to work for me!

piano music

internet radio is a great thing. i recently discovered a site that plays piano music and have been listening to it while i'm at work. i love it. a couple of my housemates are in a turkish band and are having their fall concert (bereket--the ut middle eastern ensemble). i've been told they're quite good and that there's also supposed to be some good piano music as well. a bunch of my other housemates and i are going to attend. i'm pretty excited about it.

i think its getting to be that season or point in the semester again where everyone starts to get sick. i think i may be on the verge. i went to bed at 9p last night and slept for 9 hours straight. apparently i was tired. i think one thing i keep learning (or re-realizing) about this summer was just how exhausted and run down i was the whole time. i can see myself getting a bit tired at the moment from work and training--i'm taking a full course load and running 60-65 miles a week--but its not nearly to the same degree.

i apologize for continuing to bring up this summer on my blog. its a general point of frustration with me everytime i think about it, so i generally try not too. every once and awhile though i notice something and it reminds me of something that happened or sheds some light on something else. there were definitely points this summer, at the top of one particularly large mountain in colorado, for example, where i can honestly say i felt like myself. in those moments or hours, i think my soul soared. then again, that's why i have the lifestyle i do and why i can't say i was too disappointed about my summer. the ride is the kind of thing i do. any frustrations are simply part of the experience (though in the short term they're not exactly pleasant). in the end, i hope that these moments of clarity about who i am and what i enjoy will be the memories about this summer that survive.

fracture

i will be the first to admit...the word strikes terror into me. i had a stress fracture once in college once and it is not something i ever want to repeat. i called my mother (who's a nurse) last night after discovering that the bump on my knee didn't seem to be getting any smaller and asked her what i should do. she mentioned something about potentially fracturing something in passing and i think pretty much stopped listening after that. like i said, i'm not exactly a fan of that word.

knowing that my knee didn't hurt when running but still fearing the worst, i went into see one of the sports med docs at university health services. does this hurt? no. how about this? nope. and this? yeah, no. she (the doctor) said either the bursa is inflamed or its a hemotoma (basically a bruise, though this one is far enough below the surface that it doesn't/may never have the color of what you normally think of as a bruise). the solution? (i love this) ice. that's it. i asked if i should be taking anti-inflammatories and she said, nope, the ice will do more good. and she said nothing about running less (since it doesn't hurt when i run) though i did tell her what my weekly mileage looks like right now.

so i'm going to revert back to not being concerned now. if anyone is interested in talking about how cell receptors and ligands cluster, i'd be happy to oblige. welcome to my latest problem set.

internal alarm clocks

they're good for some things. however, when you go to bed at 5:30a and said internal clock buzzes sometime before 8a as usual, it is highly unfortunate. my co-op has a big party once per semester (there are a bunch of smaller ones too, but i digress), and we held the fall party last night. technically it started at 10p, but there were definitely more people here between 3 and 4a then there were at midnight. rumor has it there were still people here at 7a, though i think most people left between 5 and 6a.

i invited some of the people i rode with this summer, and one of the younger ones made an interesting observation. we were standing on the porch talking and he looked over at a bunch of people and said he felt like a lot of the people there could be his ta. i scanned the crowd, recognizing phd students from physics and various engineering disciplines. and laughed. yes, the crowd on the porch was definitely grad student heavy (most of the undergrads were inside). i turned around later and was surprised to see 1/3 to 1/2 of the first and second year bme grad students playing flip cup on the front lawn. i'll see them all in class tomorrow. i'm generally not a fan of huge parties, but i will be the first to admit that everytime i've gone out with my housemates or hung out at one of our house parties, i have thoroughly enjoyed myself.

yesterday evening (and this morning) taught me something very important. if you find something that makes you feel like a million dollars, get it...and then make sure you wear it. three of my roommates and i had gone shopping yesterday afternoon for fun clothes to wear for the party. in one of the stores, i stumbed upon a clearance rack i hadn't noticed before and decided to sort check it out. not too long later, i found it...the perfect little black dress. it was strapless, fitted and came down approximately to the middle of my knee. the top section across the bust was a black satiny fabric bunched together and the rest of the dress was matte black. i tried it on, and it fit perfectly. i stood in the dressing room debating whether or not i actually had something to wear it too, and finally i just decided to go for it. i'm glad i made that decision. several other roommates ended up getting decked out as well.

i have a weakness for cocktail and formal dresses and love getting dressed up. i was reading one of the nytimes blogs a few weeks ago, and the author was talking about the unspoken thing that women wear when they go out--confidence. although it may sound silly, i think sporting that special outfit, piece of jewelry, pair of underwear, color of lipstick or whatever sometimes gives you that confidence that makes you glow. i can definitely see it in my friends and, last night, felt it in myself.

shakespeare

to thine own self be true.
~shakespeare

someone mentioned the above line in a discussion earlier this week and i've been turning it over in my mind ever since. what does it mean to really live authentically? being true to yourself and your beliefs, whatever those may be? and how do you know whether or not you actually are living authentically?

i think i am still figuring out who i am and what i believe. in reflecting on the past though recently, i have been realizing there are people who have been with me through all of it--the major/career changes, the injuries, the religious confusion, the list goes on. in many cases, i suspect these individuals had a better idea of who i am/was than i did, and i find myself wishing i had spent more time with some of them when we were geographically close and hoping that one day we may be again.

injury update: my hands are healing quite nicely and the pain in my arm is not nearly as acute as it was a couple days ago. i can almost do arm circles without my deltoid hurting. my knees are still bruised, but they don't get stiff everytime i stand up anymore. my stride is back to normal when i'm running, though i've been working on shorter strides just to decrease the impact force, and consequently the force, on knees experience. i'm going out for a 20-miler in the morning, so i guess that will be the real test.

for anyone who has seen the article (in the nytimes) about stretching and how it can actually make your muscles more tired, its true. we've known this for awhile. the article contains a pretty good (i.e. basic) physiological explanation of why. here's another interesting tidbit: if you're a distance runner, it has been shown that there is a greater likelihood of injury if you stretch before a marathon than if you don't. david lally, a professor of physiology at univ. of hawaii, performed the study in the early 90s.

correction

i miscounted on my to-do list yesterday. its 5 lab reports, 3 problem sets, 2 term projects, 1 term project update and 1 take-home exam. when the numbers get too large, i just lose count.

i'm currently working on one of those term projects. i have to say, it's rather depressing when you run out of things to look up on the internet while waiting for your code to compile. i was going to work on the other project simultaneously until i realized that in my zeal to get everything off my computer and onto my new external hard drive, i removed some of the files i need (namely the code). oops.

on a different note, i'm the type of person who gets incredibly happy over the little things in life. lately, i have been particularly attached to evenings. i walk back to my house slowly after class and then get to enjoy dinner with 10-20 friends, depending on who's home on a given night. there's something very comforting to me in listening to people talk over dinner and hear about their days. its nice to be part of a community.

one month to go

as i sat in class today listening to a professor describe the problem set he is going to give us in the next week, my mind started to wander to my school to-do list for the remainder of the semester. by december 5, which is 30 days from today, i will have to complete 4 lab reports, 1 take-home exam, 2 problem sets and 2 final projects. lest you think my semester will be done after completing this to-do list, never fear. on december 10th, i have a final. sigh. when december 5 hits though, my attention will be able to turn back to research. i need to write a paper that will likely be submitted for pulication sometime in january. way to start the new year running!

speaking of running, i didn't do my morning run this morning. yesterday my leg got more and more stiff and painful as the day went on, and i think i pulled my deltoid muscle too because i couldn't take notes in certain positions because it made my arm hurt. walking across campus after class was one of the least pleasant experiences i've had in awhile and confirmed that i was no longer going to go out with people to watch the election coverage. instead, i hobbled home and glued myself to the tv with some of my housemates. an early night to bed and a slightly later wake up time this morning did a world of good though. i woke up not stiff and in a lot less discomfort than i was in yesterday. i went for a run this evening, and though it was slow, i finished with no problem. the body's ability to heal itself is a constant source of amazement to me.

yeah obama!

face plant

the last couple weeks i have spent a lot of time thinking about the possibility of tripping while i'm running. i do this for two main reasons: 1) i'm running in the dark and can't see anything and 2) i study tripping so i just think its interesting. the more you're out running (or walking) the more likely you are to trip because there are just that many more opportunities to do so.

well this morning my steps were up. i had gone too many without falling, so it was time. i tripped over a crack in the sidewalk running across the i-35 bridge on 7 mile town lake loop. it was light out. i could see where i was going, but evidently i missed the unevenness of the pavement. it hurt like the dickens, but i got back up and kept running because that was the fastest way to get back to my house. hydrogen peroxide didn't bother the rather deep gash on my knee, but holy smokes, i do not recommend putting it on even a minor scratch on your palms--ouch!

today's lesson: watch where you're going and don't think that just because its light out you can pay less attention.

long day

i got an email this morning from marissa, one of my teammates from college. margaret, another one of our teammates, passed away from brain cancer last week. neither marissa or i had had any idea she had cancer. i sat re-reading the email for awhile. i tried working again, but found i was unable to concentrate. i'd go back and re-read the email.

i can only remember margaret being happy and healthy. we were teammates on the cross-country, track and crew teams, so my memories of her are filled with many a long run, pasta party or bus ride to a meet. the fall that we started rowing, the coaches basically pitted us against each other because we could out pull girls a lot heavier than us on an erg and definitely out run them...so we were left to push each other. i'm grateful for her presence as a role model and am glad i got to be her teammate.

although i realize its dangerous to dwell too much on the past, i spent a lot of today thinking about it. sometimes i wonder how life would have worked out if things had happened some other way, but then if they did, maybe i would never have gone to mit or moved to hawaii or come to texas or met any of the people that i have along the way. i wouldn't give up the people. the challenge is to stay in touch with everyone to help celebrate, support, grieve, whenever its most needed and to let them know how much they're valued and loved.

mixing of worlds

i have been running into people from the ride this summer more and more frequently (though randomly) around town. its been a good thing too as i think it has helped give me perspective. i mentioned earlier that i had felt pretty isolated and rather unliked or unloved this summer, namely because people just seemed to be annoyed with me all the time for one thing or another. recently several people have helped me to see i wasn't necessarily the cause of the annoyance though i may have been the one it was taken out on. its a subtle difference, but it definitely explains a number of things.

yesterday i had a pretty cool experience of the mixing of my worlds. the paulists, an order of catholic priests, were started in the us 150 years ago this year. the first place they started a campus ministry was at the university of california (berkeley), and the second? well, it was here in austin at ut. this year marks the 100th anniversary of the paulists being at ut, so there has been much celebration. last night, the 5p mass at the ut catholic center was presided over by the cardinal for the region. people came to mass in tuxes as they were going to a black tie optional affair for the celebration following the mass. it was pretty neat to see people that dressed up at mass. priests from all over the area and who had served at ut in the past were present, and it seemed a very festive occasion.

on to the mixing of worlds though, the interfaith panel for the university was invited. members of this panel are from the various religious organizations at ut. i have been taking a class at the lds institute of religion across the street from house one night a week, and the instructor for the class happens to be the lds representative on the panel. he mentioned that he was going the other night in class and seemed pretty excited about it. i haven't seen him since just before the mass, but i'm looking forward to hearing his thoughts this week. he said he and his wife had been to a mass before though he wasn't super familiar with it. this mass was a little different because there was a cardinal saying it, so the details are a little different than what you would see on your average weekend. i haven't seen my teacher since last night on the way over to mass, but i am looking forward to hearing his thoughts. i've never had any of my lds friends come to mass with me (though i don't know that i've ever specifically invited any of them to join me either). i like the services of both churches (catholic and lds) for different reasons. i've never really talked about those reasons with anyone as i don't know anyone else who is familiar with both faith traditions.

maybe in contrast to one of my earlier posts i'm not 'not religious' but rather am struggling with the desire for a system of beliefs while trying to discern exactly what to (and what i) believe. meanwhile, there is also this pull to try and understand how two faith traditions have influenced my life (albeit one for a much longer period of time than the other).

the last two weeks i have been trying to embrace this concept of a day of rest from work. actually, i'm rather enjoying it. i haven't done any school work. last sunday i wrote thank you notes for texas 4000 (that would be volunteer work, not "work" per se) and today i have been reading for pleasure and talking to my roommates. earlier i was laying in the grass in front of my house reading and sleeping (not at the same time), and it was nice to be outside just being. there's a calm to the weekends in our part of the weekend...assuming there isn't a home football game.

which leads me to the football game last night. ouch. the hail mary pass got a new usage in my opinion. the pass wasn't as long, but holy smokes. with just a few seconds to go in the game, texas tech scores on a pass the quarterback didn't even really seem to think would work. the result was a touchdown and one second left on the clock. its a bummer the longhorns lost, but well played texas tech.

congrats to michael for finishing his first marathon today (nyc marathon)!

bzzzzzzz

bees! the bee costumes were a great success. we swarmed over to another co-op for a little bit last night and then headed south to check out 6th street. i'd never been to 6th street before, let alone on halloween, so it was quite the experience. think waikiki at midnight, but instead of just the sidewalks being packed, the whole street is closed off...and packed. crazy! after wandering around there for a little bit, we headed further south to 4th street where i ran into daniel and kacie and got to talk to them for a little bit. in the wee hours of this morning, we walked back up towards campus and headed to kerbey lane for some late night queso. so the take home message is that i had a lot of fun skipping and buzzing about and am glad i got to hang out with my roommates!

i have no problem running marathons, but walking about all night is just downright exhausting. my legs were sore before i even started my 20 mile run this morning. time-wise, the run wasn't super slow, but my legs are currently toast. i'm glad i have a day off tomorrow!

in other tri related news, my friends michelle and michael g. are currently racing ironman florida. michelle flew on the bike, averaging over 20 mph and is looking strong on the run so far. the splits are looking like im pr material. her husband michael isn't too far behind, but he wasn't able to train quite as much. he's a pretty strong runner though, so hopefully the marathon is easy (relatively speaking of course). michael b. is tackling the nyc marathon tomorrow morning. it will be his first marathon--good luck michael!