first day of school?

i started my athletic training observation hours this morning. i had been told previously to look professional when i showed up and that khaki pants, a collared shirt (the kind with only 3 buttons) and running shoes were appropriate. when i got there though people were dressed in gym shorts and tshirts...go figure. the head trainer told me there were other full-time trainers at ut who had done an entry-level master's program so i have resources i can talk to about their experiences.

basically all i am allowed to do is watch unless i am asked if i want to help and even then i'm not allowed to do much. towards the end of my time this morning one of the students in the program said apologetically that we could go stand by the sideline with the water bottles and watch practice. she said it was the boring part of what they do. i was kind of surprised by that comment actually. i "watch" how people move for a living and with this i get to stand outside AND watch how people move AND look for things specifically related to potential for injury AND the people i'm watching are elite athletes. i feel that this is anything BUT boring although i'm sure that there are "boring" moments at times.

just a few days left until cactus rose. in true last minute fashion, i need to figure out what food i want at my aid stations and prepare everything for saturday. you forget how much you rely on food at aid stations until you're faced with being responsible for all of your own aid. hummus on corn tortillas and homemade energy bars, here i come.

we are camping on friday night before the race. we just got our new tent last weekend and set it up on sunday in our living room. lots of mesh on the sides, which seems like it will be awesome for star gazing while still keeping out critters. i'm super excited to go camping. its been way too long!

existential crisis? or just trying to figure out what to do...

i called my brothers earlier this week just to say hi because i hadn't talked to them in awhile. one asked what was going and i told him about generally be stressed trying to figure out what to do with my life. as i started looking for more faculty positions, i started realizing that the ones i found most interesting were in departments that had physical therapy and/or athletic training programs. its great to realize where you interests lie, but it stops you in your tracks realizing that a couple more years of school might be the best option. you see, these programs follow standard curricula which are dictated by the governing boards of their profession. in order for a school to keep its accreditation, it is required to have a certain number of phd-level researchers who are also clinically certified. while i might be able to do research, the lack of clinical credentials poses a problem because i can't count towards accreditation for the programs.

one of the options i had been considering anyway for post school pursuits was to get athletic training certification. there are a handful of entry-level master's programs in the country, but one happens to be at hawaii. one of the admissions criteria for the program is 200 volunteer hours with athletic trainers. part of the reason for having this requirement is to make sure you know what you're getting yourself into before you commit the 2 years of time and money to pursuing said certification. so volunteering i am. i am participating in the directed observation program sponsored by the undergraduate athletic training program at ut. the next two weeks i'll get to observe the trainers working with soccer for a few hours. then i'll spend 2 weeks with the men's track team and then the last 2 weeks of the semester with the women's track team. i'm also starting to work with the high school that's just down the street from my house. next tuesday i start at a football tournament for middle schoolers. i won't be able to treat or work with athletes through any of this, just observe. however, i am hoping that the volunteer hours will give me a better sense of what athletic training is about (from the caretaker end as oppose to the care-receiving end which i have been on in the past) and whether or not i want to/should pursue the certification. sports medicine, particularly running and running-related injuries, is what sparked the interest that got me to where i currently am, so i anticipate this being a fun (although at times exhausting, i'm sure) experience.

the device i need for the last section of my dissertation is functional. we have to replace a couple parts so they can handle higher voltages and today i'll be working on getting the camera system to collect data that the device is outputting. i am amazed one has to become an electrical, mechanical and computer engineer of sorts to get one's phd in biomedical engineering. interdisciplinary research is great.

only one week to go until cactus rose 50-miler. the weather is still pretty warm here, but it looks like bandera is supposed to have cooler nights next weekend. this is a good thing because we're camping the night before the race. i'm excited to test the new tent! tapering is going well. i'm getting antsy to move and have noticed that i'm moving faster and feel smoother on my training runs. this is a good sign. one more week and i'll be ready to race.

dissertating

simple words of a mentor can stop you in your tracks sometimes and make you see the world or yourself through a different lens. i had the opportunity to speak at the biomedical engineering society meeting last friday. the professor for whom i am ta-ing this semester and who is the former head of our department came to listen. he came over to sit near me before my talk and handed me a piece of paper. it was a job posting for a tenure-track faculty position in biomedical engineering (bme). he told me that he thought i should apply, that he had just talked to the head of the department at that university who said that they were looking for people like me.

the vote of confidence in my abilities stopped me in my tracks. eric and i have been trying to figure out what we're doing when we graduate. we've been looking at schools and cities where we are both interested in living. i have been keeping my eyes peeled for postdocs and was considering getting a clinical certification. i had not even thought to look at faculty positions assuming that i wouldn't have enough experience to be considered for anything. my mentor opened my eyes. i have since found another faculty position in mechanical engineering for which i would like to apply as well.

i don't know that any of these will work out, but the possibilities have changed my attitude about the job search and writing my dissertation. i have to prepare statements of research and teaching interests and while these are not long essays (1 - 2 pages each), they are giving me an opportunity to reflect on what scientific questions i want to be asking and what my teaching philosophy is. as i have written thoughts down i have discovered that i have definite interests i want to pursue and definite opinions about how to teach. i have also found myself more enthused than ever to write. i have drafts of almost two chapters of my dissertation written. i still have to collect more data, but i am ready for that.

two and a half weeks left before two faculty applications will be submitted and before cactus rose 50-miler. life is exciting!

fall

the weather cooled off rapidly here in texas. my fingers have gotten cold enough during my morning and runs and commuting to work that sometimes i don't seem to have fine motor control. i'm not sure that that's necessarily healthy, but it is a rather amusing reminder of the fun (seriously, not sarcastically) that comes with fall. a few weeks ago we decided that we needed to throw a great pumpkin party complete with a viewing of the cartoon, hot apple cider and whatever other yummy fall treats we could come up with. we still need to figure out a date though.

as to halloween, my costume this year must be capable of withstanding 25-50 miles of continuous running. cactus rose 50 begins on the morning of october 30th. there are prizes for costumes, but you have to wear your costume for at least 25 miles (one loop of the course) to be considered. the gears in my head have been turning.

i have been struggling internally lately trying to figure out what to do when i'm done with my phd. the degree itself trains you to be a researcher, to ask questions, to find answers to questions and to disseminate that knowledge to the public. there is part of me that now wants to just apply the knowledge i have gained--to work with patients, to spend more time talking to clinicians as opposed to being holed up in the ivory tower. i have been contacting clinicians and coaches about volunteering with them. i am talking to someone who does more health education related research this week. i have been trouble finding postdocs in areas that i am most interested in, but it seems like a postdoc will be important for finding faculty positions. phd training also teaches you to be your own boss in a way, so maybe i simply need to have more confidence in going after the answers to the questions that most interest me.

i am getting more of a taste of teaching lately too--i found out this morning i will be giving a 45 minute lecture tomorrow afternoon about stability when standing and walking in the class i'm ta-ing. in 2 weeks, i will be giving the whole hour and 15 minute lecture. i am hoping that this class is offered again next semester as i would love to be involved with it again and i have to ta next semester again anyway...

the question i keep coming back to in my life lately is how can i do this or that? how can i get out of my books, off my computer and into the great out-of-doors to be involved...with the community, with people? how can i use what i know to help improve lives?