ready, aim...

after two weeks of reading as much as i could find on stability of walking and running the scientific literature, i finally sent my dissertation aims proposal off to my advisor earlier this evening. so much work for a two page, singled spaced document, a quarter of which was references! if you are confused as to what i'm talking about, hopefully this will help. the goal of a phd is to be an independent researcher by the time you're done. in order to do that to prove that you are "worthy" of being an independent researcher, you have to successfully ask a few relevant questions about your field and then answer them. in general, you'll ask 3-5 questions, and each question will become a chapter in your dissertation. you can also think of these questions as "aims"--things you are trying to show/determine. so most of the hard work lies in figuring out what questions you want to ask. that's what i had to figure out by today.

the ol' gray matter is a little tired now, but its good. my advisor also told me he wanted my paper out by the end of may. i just got the last of the first round of comments back today, so i'll be spending the next week and a half working on draft 2.

on a different note, i met a friend of a friend last wednesday who asked me what running an ultra marathon was like. i told him it was like slow trail running meets hiking. from a recent article on ultra marathons, i think this guy did a good job describing what they're like mentally (at least consistent with my experiences):

Compared with the emotions involved in running a traditional marathon, Thomas Wong says, in which one feels a predictable cycle of pain and elation over the course of a few hours, a zen-like "nothing" overtakes his mind during an ultra. "Hope," he says, is the only "driving force."

lately during my runs, i've been meditating on the serenity prayer. it begins:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

i get frustrated with people or things sometimes, and my response (that i'm not proud of) is often to stop reaching out and making an effort to fix problems or connect with those people. its almost like i give up and start to accept that whatever it is will not change. i think i do this sometimes though at points when what i need more is the courage to try harder not the serenity to accept. a conversation i had earlier today, made me realize (or maybe reminded me) that there are things i cannot change when it comes to human relationships. a relationship can only change if both people try and if both people want it to.

i think i'm ready for the "predictable cycle of pain and elation" on monday. in fact, i'm craving it. this marathon (boston) has never been about running a pr for me. every year it is about celebrating recovery and being happy, healthy and whole again. though it falls on the same weekend every year, the timing for this year's race in my life is ironically appropriate.