yIKEs!

apparently the world might end in the next day or two. you know how i know that? ut postponed the football game. no, there will not be football in austin this weekend. i am currently taking this as a sign that i'm not yet supposed to see a ut football game in person. a couple of my roommates and i had tickets to this particular game, which was supposed to be my first.

fortunately, my other roommates have deemed all of this reason to celebrate. the "older" ladies in the house (aka the female grad students) have decided to have a few glasses (or bottles) of wine on the porch while watching the rain. my only concern about this plan of attack is with regards to the rain. we're so far inland, i will be interested to see how badly we actually get hit.

last night, i finished Brida, paulo coehlo's latest book about an irish girl searching for knowledge and her soul mate who seems to have trouble committing to things. ironic, yeah? i wouldn't consider myself a particularly religious person as far as subscribing to a particular one, though religion fascinates me and i enjoy seeing different religious ceremonies/church services/etc. i do believe things happen for a reason and that people come into and out of one's life to teach us things. i first saw this book (brida) in the amsterdam airport on my way back to the us in may and thought it looked intriguing. i spent a lot of time this summer wanting to get my hands on a copy, but when i looked at a bookstore in laramie, they didn't have it. later when i looked in other stores i realized that the book was only available in hardback, or in other words, it was more expensive than my grad student income was interested in. so, i waited until i got back to ut and could take it out of the library.

brida, it turns out, is a witch, and the story relates her coming into that knowledge. while i'm not sure i'm exactly a witch (though i'm sure i have my moments), some of the experiences discussed in the book, i could relate to. in one moment in particular, she realizes that at some point every person, regardless of whether or not he or she is a witch, will realize (1) the majesty of the world we live in, if only for a second, and (2) who exactly he or she is.

with respect to the former, i can think of two places where i have realized how beautiful my surroundings are. the first was in gombe stream national park, tanzania. its the area in which jane goodall did all her chimpanzee research. i was hiking with some of my traveling companions, and i remember being overwhelmed by everything around me. i also remember knowing exactly who i was and what i liked. it was just a moment and then it was gone.

the reason that i bring this up has to do with my hair. a couple months before going to tanzania, i cut my hair shorter than it ever had been for no particular reason. right now however, its even shorter (this time cut for a reason). while your hair doesn't change who you are, when you look in the mirror, you don't necessarily recognize yourself if you drastically change the way you look. the last month or two, i have been thinking a lot about who i am and how i define myself because the reflection in the mirror is so different. my sense of self as a woman, an athlete and an engineer (among other things) have become stronger.

when i was in college and injured, i realized that i had always defined myself as a runner. everyone knew that i ran, and i think that people who know me well now would also describe me as that. however, when i couldn't run, i felt a bit lost, and i struggled to figure out who i was if i was not a runner. ultimately, i was able to run again, but my relationship with the sport has changed. i feel like every time i get to go is a gift, and it makes me happy that i have another opportunity to do it. the same i think might be said for being an 'engineer.' i didn't really understand that adjective until i stopped studying engineering for a time and came back to it. i like finding solutions.

the other experience, which is actually a recurring experience, of perceiving the beauty around me was living in hawaii. even after living there for years, i'd still get up in the morning and be in awe of the mountains and the ocean. i wouldn't say i wake up every morning like that in austin, but there have been several times here where i have been caught off guard by how pretty it is. i am excited for fall and the changing of the leaves. though honestly, i'm more excited to be in hawaii in a few weeks.

returning to the belief that things happen for a reason, i'm not sure i would have appreciated brida if i had read it a few months ago. aside from discussing relationships with one's surroundings, it talks about relationships with people, and i think i needed to hear what the book had to say. i will leave it to you to read the book and find out what i'm talking about though so i don't spoil anything. in the end, the book spoke to me about things i needed to hear at this particular point in my life.

i have woken up the past couple days before my alarm clock. i think i'm finally starting to be rested. my swim felt great yesterday morning and my runs the last three days have felt great. i went running last night with my mp3 player (not something i make a habit of running with). if you've never run listening to enya, i suggest trying it. its weird. i didn't do it intentionally, but when it came on it felt odd to be running to something that would normally make me mellow. this weekend i'll be doing my long run tomorrow before my house work day, and then barring problems with the weather, i'm going to do a long brick on sunday morning. the latter in particular i am really looking forward to.